Years ago when I was in South Korea I had a Tae Kwon Do instructor who said something profound which I will share you with you. I may not be remembering what he said exactly as he explained the concept in quite a bit of detail so there is going to be paraphrasing here as I don't recall the exact words he said in the full context of the conversation he told to us students.
But basically what he said was something along the lines of "When your emotions run high in a violent situation it is of utmost importance that you take a breath and keep your wits about you, and then act in a clear and decisive manner."
He broke this down in conversation with a number of examples.
Say you get in an altercation with someone and they attack you, and for a brief moment you have a choice. Do you immediately attack back without thinking of consequences? Or do you think of the consequences and then stay calm, while simultaneously acting in a manner that helps to defuse the situation.
WHY THIS MATTERS TO ME TODAY
Today I was assaulted by the superintendent who lives in my apartment building.
Ah, you say. Now it makes sense why I am talking about staying calm, restraint, and thinking about consequences before acting.
So let me break down the events to you.
1.
My landlord has been wanting the tenants to move our bicycles out of the basement of the building, where my wife and I have stored 5 bicycles. I own 9 bicycles currently and I am a bicycle mechanic hobbyist - I simply enjoy fixing them for fun. Two of the bicycles currently in the basement are really just there for spare parts.
2.
My son fell asleep earlier and I decided now was a good time for me to go move the bicycles while he was sleeping. I found the keys for my bicycle locks, went down to the basement, got the first bicycle and carried it up the stairs and outside to the cement porch that is near the garage and the parking lot. There is a metal railing that goes around the cement porch that many people climb over to the parking lot.
3.
The superintendent followed me out of the building and proceeded to argue with me about where my wife and put our garbage diaper bags. He then pushed me back into the railing so he could climb over the railing. Being pushed back, I reflexively grabbed on to his jacket in order to maintain my balance and during this struggle he punched me in the left side of my face near my ear. Around this time he slid the rest of the way over the porch railing, but I held firmly on to his jacket.
4.
At this point I had a moment of clarity. I had a choice here. I could punch him and beat him up easily. I am a boxing instructor and have studied kickboxing and Tae Kwon Do. He is an old guy in his 50s or 60s. He didn't stand a chance against me. But I had a very clear choice. I didn't have to fight him at all. All I had to do is call 911 and keep holding on to his jacket. (Note - Adrenaline in this situation doesn't help. While it does make you physically stronger and faster, and it helps you ignore pain, it doesn't help you keep your emotions in check. So it becomes ever more important to keep your emotions under control.)
5.
I called 911. This was the clear choice. I have a wife and a son to think about. There are consequences to getting in a fight and beating the **** out of an old guy. I would be in serious trouble if I decided to just beat the **** out of an old guy. So I held on to his jacket while I was calling 911. At this time the superintendent also took out his cellphone and called 911, it was like a race to see who could tell their side of the story first.
6.
I explained to 911 what had happened, with considerable detail. At this point the superintendent punched me in the lower jaw - effectively an uppercut because of the angle, and I did respond by jabbing him in the jaw with the same hand that was holding on to his jacket, so it was a very short jab. This is the one and only time that I punched him in response. I don't remember if he punched me again after that and there might have been an extra time he punched me that I simply ignored and didn't care about. I did tell the 911 lady about him punching be in jaw and that he was still attacking me. The 911 lady advised me that police were on the way and that I should release his jacket, which I did so.
7.
So the police are on their way and I tell the 911 lady that my wife is inside sleeping and I want to check on him. I was not expecting to be gone so long as I had simply wanted to move my bicycles and was not expecting to be attacked by anyone. She said that was a good idea and recommended I do so. So with the police on the way and they have my phone number and location, the 911 call ended and I went back inside. My son had woken up and was crying and I soothed him and fed him.
8.
The police phoned my cellphone, I answered, picked up my son and went to the door. I then held my son in the hallway while I explained to the police all the events. The police listened, asked questions, and two other officers interviewed the superintendent. I admit I was still shaking from adrenaline at the time. The officers then left me, I went back inside our apartment and fed my son some yogurt in the kitchen. I could hear bits of the conversation coming from outside the kitchen window and the superintendent was belligerent with rage. He was not having a very good time keeping his story straight and clearly was not very good at staying calm.
HOW COULD THIS HAVE GONE DIFFERENTLY?
Honestly, everything I did was reactionary. Cause and effect.
He followed me and argued with me, I argued back.
He pushed me, I grabbed his jacket to maintain my balance and a struggle ensued.
He punched me, I called 911.
But it could have gone dramatically different. I had that brief moment where I had to make a decision whether to fight or not to fight. And I chose to simply hang out tight to his jacket (mostly so he could not escape) and called 911.
If I had made the wrong decision, to fight back and beat up an old guy, I would mostly certainly be in handcuffs right now and being charged with assault, because the police would have looked at me with no injuries at all and this old guy who I could have simply beat black and blue.
Restraining myself in such a situation was not easy. I was angry at the time, but I made the conscious effort to not let that emotion rule me. I had to remain calm for my sake, my wife's sake and my son's sake. Love in this case, truly did defeat hate.
THE UNFETTERED MIND
The Unfettered Mind is a book by the Japanese Buddhist monk Takuan Soho, which contains letters he wrote hundreds of years ago to various samurai of the age. I have written various past articles on Cardio Trek about The Unfettered Mind and some of the Zen philosophies described within the book, such as the article: Archery Meditation + Zen Focus. I also have a whole section of my site dedicated towards "Zen Exercising", which is an interesting concept.
In part 2 of the book, titled "The Clear Sound of Jewels" Takuan Soho describes how people value life and "rightmindedness" and how people will sometimes throw their life away for the sake of "rightmindedness".
Takuan Soho states:
"Nothing is more precious than life. Yet, at the moment when we must throw away this valued life and stand on rightmindedness, there is nothing more highly esteemed than rightmindedness."
Basically it is the idea that people will often die for their beliefs.
However people can also die (or ruin their lives) by making unwise decisions, which Takuan Soho later points out by pointing out that people can also value Desire more than life. Desires such as lust, greed, vengeance, bloodlust and so forth.
Takuan Soho states:
"Dying because someone is vexed at being insulted resembles rightmindedness, but it is not that at all. This is forgetting oneself in the anger of the moment. It is not rightmindedness in the least. Its proper name is anger and nothing else. Before a person has even been insulted, he has already departed from rightmindedness. And for this reason, he suffers insult. If one's rightmindedness is correct when he is associating with others, he will not be insulted by them. Being insulted by others, he should realize he had lost his own rightmindedness prior to the offense."
In essence, getting angry at being insulted and then fighting as a result might feel like you are fighting for your beliefs, but really you are just fighting because you are angry.
I totally recommend reading The Unfettered Mind if you can find it in a book store or on Amazon. It is a fantastic book which has useful insights for many different activities, including archery, and also how to maintain a strong moral code.
Samurai historically believed in Bushido (which means honour), but it didn't mean that you died for honour. It meant that you behaved honourably and kept your vows. Samurai vowed to protect and avenge their leaders, but they did not believe in throwing their lives away on base emotions such as anger. Anger to them was a tool, which could make them more vicious in combat, but it could also be the double-edged sword that led to their defeat, and so it needed to be kept in check.
TAKING A PUNCH ITSELF
Taking a single punch by itself is actually easy in my opinion. Multiple punches, such as taking a beating, that is physical challenge obviously (in boxing terms, boxers who can take lots of punches are said to have good "chin"). The emotions that arise (as you probably figured out from your past experiences) is the true challenge of staying calm.
Once you recognize this, taking a single punch is no big deal. Even 3 or 4 is not that big of a deal, like I took earlier today. My jaw is a little sore, as is the left side of my face where he kept punching me with his right hand. But otherwise I feel pretty good. I only really any noticed any pain until much later when the adrenaline dissipated.
So clearly, with the benefit of adrenaline in this case dulling any pain, a person can choose to remain calm. If it just a single punch, it is really just a minor bruise and not worth worrying about.
AN OLD STORY, FISTICUFFS IN KENSINGTON MARKET
Years ago I got attacked by a drug addict in Kensington Market who was angry and decided it was a good idea to punch me in the side of the face and break my glasses. Ha, great idea. In that situation I was more upset about him breaking my glasses that I had purchased in South Korea - where I studied archery, Tae Kwon Do, visited many Buddhist temples, enjoyed good food, and gone mountain climbing many times. I totally recommend going, Korea is awesome. On that occasion I had opted for what I call "Classic Fisticuffs" like what you might see in a period film about the early 1900s. No kicking, just quality footwork, and two fists raised in the classic pose. I then aggressively used my footwork and blocking to dodge/deflect all of his punches and kicks, and get close enough to land solid punches. He then chickened out and ran away like a little coward.
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| Classic Fisticuffs |
After that, and once he realized I was doing "Classic Fisticuffs" he thought he was being all smart by trying to kick at me, but I just sidestepped his kick and moved closer in order to be able to land solid punches. He tried punching several times and I just deflected them easily. A few jabs to the face later and he suddenly decided that even though I was using "Classic Fisticuffs" as a style, I was clearly good at it. He then ran away.
During the encounter I had two major decisions to make. 1. Do I fight back? Which I chose yes, but had opted for a more gentlemanly style of boxing, which went really well with my girlfriend-at-the-time who was observing this. And 2. Should I chase him after he runs away? I decided not to, stayed with the then-girlfriend, and we later tried to report the attack to police in Chinatown - which they ignored us and just waved us away. Violent drug addict attacking people nearby, and the Toronto police don't even care.
THE AFTERMATH
How do people deal with stress after a violent encounter with a crazed person?
In my case I focused on my son - making sure he was fed and entertained, and then I listened to 80s music while writing this post for my website.
I was reminded of what my instructor in Korea had said about staying calm, but I was also reminded of the book "The Unfettered Mind" by Takuan Soho.
I should probably eat something. According to my phone I was attacked and called 911 at 9:54 AM, and it is now 1:24 PM. I had breakfast earlier today and have not eaten since.
Food after a stressful situation is certainly beneficial. So I am going to go eat now.
I hope anyone reading this finds it educational, informative, and useful in the future when they are faced with a violent and/or stressful situation.
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